DIVIDED WE SUCK
Or, "Why 'Partisan Politics' Ain't Partisan when the Other Party's Nuts."
by Ty Hager
I know, I know. When you hear (or read) the word Partisan, you reflexively crinkle your nose - the same physical reaction to that rhetorical assault on the senses as to a public fart, often resulting in a creatively similar laying of blame. You think of those Damned Obstructionists on the other side of the Aisle, long ago abandoning any motives but the Almighty W, the very grease which keeps the Wheels of Power and Greed and Corruption rolling, the lack of which brings the Wheels of Progress to a crying, cringing halt.
Then you think about the flip side of the same nasty political coin - the partisan Constituency egging on the Party - happily falling for the Happy Angry Fear-shit shoveled to them not only by their Elected Representatives, but by a highly-motivated and similarly-suspect Media, mobilizing the Sheeple like Hope and Reason never could.
THEN you realize that someone from the Right is probably (slowly) reading this, nodding his or her sloped alabaster head* in some weird 'Alternate Universe-y' kind of agreement, and it hopefully hits you right smack dab in your relatively-well-functioning brain how simply bat-shit crazy this all is, and why we absolutely MUST have what detractors will surely call Partisanship - and that, at this moment in history, it's our best and only freakin' chance!
They Think Donald Trump's an Okay Guy
First off, I guess we ought to lay out the definition of Partisonship, so I can then explain why this ain't it:
prejudice in favor of a particular cause; bias.
synonyms: bias, prejudice, one-sidedness, discrimination, favor, favoritism, partiality, sectarianism, factionalism
THE critical components of Partisanship are 'bias' and 'prejudice,' both of which imply - the former implicitely, the latter explicitely - a rush to judgement based upon factors (i.e., "preconceived notions") with no causal relationship to the issue at hand. Here's how we absolutely AIN'T doing that:
THEY THINK THIS GUY IS OKAY...seriously.
You see what I'm getting at here? We're not PRE-judging. We're judging them (and hence their cognitive faculties, or lack thereof) for reasons they proclaim loudly, proudly, and occasionally without errors in spelling and/or grammar. It absolutely baffles us (and actually a pretty good-sized majority of the inhabitants of the globe), and we could drop the mic and walk away without needing to elaborate.
They think this guy is okay.
Lordy, that's wacked.
Okay, I'll Elaborate
This whole 'Trump is okay' thing has been explored by exasperated and disbelieving pundits since even before the moron started talking about the size of his dick in that idiotic debate. It is now the coarse dim angry thread which runs through the very essence of the Republican Party, the long-sewn (and sown, if I was using a farming analogy...but I'm not) individual mind-blowing stances - on everything from healthcare to gun control to immigration to voter rights to Gay Rights - which we used to think were as loony-toons as you could get, but which all now - stitched together as they are with bullshit and Crazy Glue (included at no extra charge) - make completely logical nonsense.
- They think Syrian Immigrant kids are more dangerous than our own ridiculously-armed populace? Of COURSE they do! They think Trump's an okay guy!
- They believe the Russia thing is a hoax (STILL!), and no big deal, while the majority of the most damning evidence comes not from biased speculation but from the Principals' Own Mouths (or fingers, in the case of Twitter)? You're goddamned right they do - and they think Trump's a fine feller!
- They vote for folks whose sworn mission is to cut food stamps and government assistance to the needy, while as often as not they're on the receiving end of THOSE VERY BENEFITS?!! Heck yeah! Trump's a good, Christian man!
And that's just the tip of an iceberg bigger than the one that Climate Change had nothing to do with breaking off of freakin' Antarctica...(very awkward sentence structure, but you get my drift).
Of course, they attempt to rationalize their distinct and amazing irrationality with those handy-dandy catch-phrases like "fiscal responsibility," "national debt," "security," and - most laughably - "religious freedom," while their FB pages are littered with bogus stories about nothing more substantive than which Muslim killed which innocent White Person,** or how poor Trump is a victim and every piece of evidence which says otherwise is "Fake News," or blah blah blah "Hillary."
Oh yeah...apparently some immigrant Gypsies are taking craps all over Pennsylvania streets. That's a hot, steaming topic now.
Rather ironic, I think, that after twenty years the entirety of the GOP Platform is reliant on those who can't quite seem to grasp what the definition of "is" is.
It Ain't 'Partisan,' It's Our Nation's Only Hope
This is the part where I piss off some of my Independent-minded friends, too...
In a wack-a-doodle world, where nearly absolute power rests in the hands of those elected by a minority of angry voices, there exists an ideologically-inverted microcosm - those reasoned and well-intentioned among us who still cling more tightly to principle than to reality, and whose anger and righteous indignation still cloud their judgement.
Independence is awesome, and the concept which got this whole ball rollin' - but the truthful irony is that there is no Independence without Unity. If we are to overcome this plague upon our very Democracy, we can't be gettin' all bitchy about our best weapon. Which is a united Democratic Party.
You know what? I was as pissed as you were at that whole DNC thing last summer - I felt like a good number of folks were denied their voice, and I felt it was a major strategic error. But I never for a second considered supporting anyone but the Democratic Nominee, because harsh reality bites harder than twinges of conscience, and an absolute FACT of our current flawed political system is that it's either going to be Democrat or a Republican in the White House, and the VAST majority of the seats of Congress. Spare me the stats about the percentage of voters registered as Independent - only a whopping 4% of them VOTED that way. I truly admire your principles - but to adhere to ONLY your principles is sometimes the best damned way to doom them.
Another irony is that so much of the Hillary/Democrat hatred among otherwise smart-as-whip Indies is brought to you by exactly the same folks who brought you "Donald Trump's an okay guy." They've got you believing that "both parties are just the same," which is almost as ludicrous as, you know, "Trump's an okay guy." Almost. And you're a YUGE part of their plan, for they don't care that you'll never vote Red, so long as you don't vote BLUE.
Bottom line for me is that the Democratic Party has brought us some of the most stunning achievements as a Nation (and as a Civilization) of the last hundred years. We've more recently had some of the greatest minds of their generations at our helm (no offense, GOP, but we've had a Rhodes Scholar and Constitutional scholar, men MUCH closer intellectually to our Founding Fathers than, say, an actor and two dimwits. Sorry, just had to be said), and there can be no denying that the very core of the Democratic Party Platform, the very essence of what we've done, has been for the betterment of the lives of the widest range of our diverse Citizenry. I'm sure as hell not going to say we need to toss out the baby with the bathwater just because the baby misbehaves sometimes. She's still a beautiful baby.
These are serious times, folks, and there's only one practical solution:
You know, get all Partisan and shit. For the love of Pete, THEY THINK TRUMP'S AN OKAY GUY!!
*merely a descriptive caricature, likely but not intended to offend those Conservatives whose noggins ain't necessarily sloped.
** I guarantee a helluva lot more White People have killed other White People than Muslims ever could, unless we were to agree on a National Caucasian Cease-Fire for a long while (a "Coon's age," they might say), to give those ungodly Allah-worshippin' creatures a chance to catch up...oh wait, that's what us Gun Control nuts are advocating - sigh...extrapolation on Right-Wing fantasies can give one a headache.