AND WHEN WE SAY ROUGH....
Below you'll find Act 1, Scenes 1 - 3, in their entirety, with writer/composer Ty Hager um...warbling?...um...croaking?...um...providing an example of the melodies and song structures? Yeah, we'll go with that. He's singing all the parts, too.
SCENE 1
Here's the AUDIO
And here's the SCRIPT:
LIGHTS UP on JARED – he’s a grizzled graying hippy-type dude, dressed in a white suit and black dress shoes, sitting on a stage bare except for the chair, a small table with a laptop, and a guitar on a stand. He types as he sings, looking at the computer screen, the typing amplified, then fading and melding into the music.
JARED
Some folks believe that when you die, you go to Heaven
Some folks think it’s better up there
Some folks’ll say that when you’re dead, you’re dead and
There’s just no gettin’ past the fact you ain’t goin’ nowhere
I don’t believe no belief beats another
I don’t think thinkin’ ‘bout it’s gonna pay
I had my life, and if I had my ‘druthers
There’d be something more than nothing on its way
‘Cause nothin’ makes a really long day…
He stops typing, rises, straps on the guitar and starts playing.
HOW THE STORY ENDS
JARED (cont)
Well I don’t care ‘bout nothin’ minus nothin’
And the old Grim Reaper’s quite the special friend
The GRIM REAPER slowly walks across REAR STAGE, stops, stands quietly.
JARED (cont)
And if I may be bold, if the story be told
I just don’t wanna know how the story ends
Charlie Brown’s gonna kick the football
Broken hearts are maybe gonna mend
But deep down in your soul, where the light ain’t gonna go
You don’t really wanna know how the story ends
Don’t really wanna know how the story ends
It’s gonna end
Well we kinda got the Cliff notes, but without the when or how
We kinda try to redefine just what the law will allow
We kinda got a show to do, before we take a bow
The curtain’s gonna drop but it ain’t droppin’ now
I don’t really wanna know how the story ends
He takes off the guitar, puts it back on the stand.
You don’t really wanna know how the story ends
He sits in the chair and resumes typing.
We just don’t wanna know how the story ends
We don’t wanna know how the story ends
Let’s just pretend…
The typing sound rises as the music fades.
LIGHTS DOWN
SCENE 2
Here's the AUDIO
And the SCRIPT:
Scene 2
Typing sound fades as music rises.
LIGHTS UP on a living room, a recliner in front of a large-screen TV, a sofa beside the recliner, a coffee table strewn with magazines and an ashtray at the far end of the sofa, where sits ELENORE, knitting and smoking.
MACK enters, holding beer.
MACK
I like NASCAR
(pops top)
And beer
The only exercise I get is gettin’ it from here…
(crosses to sofa, limping)
To here.
(plops down on sofa)
I like NASCAR
(picks up remote)
Those guys are great
(turns up volume, sound of racing)
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go straight
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go straight
Sound of racing fades.
ELENORE
I like knitting, it helps relax my mind
I ain’t kidding
Sometimes it’s the only peace I find
Just a needle and some thread
And cigarettes and magazines
And I’ll be the happiest country girl you never see
MACK
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go straight
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go straight
I like NASCAR and beer
I kinda like to lose myself in anything that ain’t right here
Elenore’s cooks real good, but she ain’t no fun bein’ with
(motions to closed door STAGE RIGHT)
And our boy’s less like a boy
Than a little bitch
ELENORE
Shhh Mack! Willard’ll hear ya!
Both look at door.
MACK
I can’t believe he’s not shrieking at one of his stupid video games
ELENORE
But you bought him that computer ‘cause he was drivin’ you insane
MACK
I traded all that whinin’ for “BOOMS” and “KA-POWS”
BOTH
But he sure is quiet now
MACK
(back to race)
I like NASCAR, and NASCAR likes me
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go…I gotta pee
Mack rises and limps to bathroom. He stops at door and looks up, noticing the accompanying MUSIC. He sighs, shakes his head, enters bathroom, closes door.
SFX peeing with MUSIC.
MACK (from behind door)
Really?
MUSIC changes.
MACK (cont)
There ya go.
SFX peeing continues, wanes, stops. SFX flush. Mack exits bathroom, looks quizzically at Willard’s door. Limps over, puts his ear to door. Looks up, irritate at the MUSIC volume. MUSIC fades. SFX typing rises.
MACK (cont)
I know I’ve heard that sound before
Like squirrels in the attic
But that can’t be it
His eyes widen as it dawns on him.
MACK (cont)
Goddamn it Elenore!
I think Willard’s in there goddamn typing!
ELENORE
(stands, shocked)
Shut the front door! That’s not like him at all!
MACK
I said Goddamn it Elenore!
I think our boy’s in there goddamn typing!
ELENORE
I know, I heard you, I said that’s not like him at all
She lays down her knitting and crosses to Mack.
BOTH
Not like him at all…
They listen as TYPING rises, melding into intro of:
THAT GIZMO
MACK
Well we ain’t real educated, ain’t had too many chances
ELENORE
Our fam’ly tree ain’t exactly overrun with branches
MACK
It was one thing when that gizmo was more like a toy
MUSIC fades, SFX typing rises.
BOTH
I just don’t know what’s got into our little boy
ELENORE
Maybe he’s just playin’, pretending that he’s writing
MACK
I hear what you’re saying, that has to be it
ELENORE
He’s sure doing it quickly, no way he could have learned
Mack looks at the TV, frowns.
MACK
Dammit, I just missed the part where the guy crashed and burned
ELENORE
There’s got to be an explanation
BOTH
Let’s bring this mystery to an end
Mack flings open door, LIGHTS UP on WILLARD, sitting in his bed, typing rapidly on a laptop, eyes straight ahead, trance-like.
MACK
(spoken)
Fuck a bird!
ELENORE
(spoken)
Shut the front door!
Willard blinks, notices his parents, slams the laptop shut, annoyed.
WILLARD
I can’t believe I fucking lost my fucking capo again!
MACK
(spoken)
What the fuck’s a capo?
LIGHTS DOWN
SCENE 3
Here's the AUDIO
And the SCRIPT:
Scene 3
LIGHTS RISE slightly on a darkened bar, a shadowy audience and band completely still.
SPOT on Jared, STAGE LEFT, still wearing white suit. He crosses to a coat/hat rack standing by the bar, from which hangs a worn flannel shirt and old hat.
SFX TYPING resumes in BG, barely audible.
JARED
Sometimes all you’ve got are the memories
Sometimes the future’s in the past
He removes his jacket, revealing a crude t-shirt. Hangs the jacket on the rack, removes the flannel shirt and puts it on.
JARED (cont)
Sometimes lookin’ back’s the only way to see
He crosses to a chair, beneath which lie a worn pair of sneakers. He sits, removes his dress shoes.
JARED (cont)
Questions that were better left unasked
He stands and removes his slacks, revealing torn jeans beneath. Tosses his slacks in the direction of the rack. He sits and slips on sneakers. Stands. SPOT follows as he begins walking toward stage.
JARED (cont)
Come with me to a time, things were dandy and fine
And every sin we sinned was forgiven
Man those were the days, just relaxin’ in the rays
He his guitar from the stand, puts it on.
JARED (cont)
Lookin’ back, it sure seemed like Heaven
LIGHTS RISE FULL, revealing AUDIENCE and BAND. A banner reading JARED WHALEY & THE COWTIPPERS hangs behind the stage.
JARED (cont)
Now that was livin’
Audience applauds, thrilled.
JARED AND BAND
Now that was livin’
Sowin’ wild seeds with an imaginary need
Now that was livin’
Now that was livin’
Playin’ with matches just ‘cause you liked the heat
Now that was livin’
Now that was livin’
Walkin’ on a razor just ‘cause you liked to bleed
Drinkin’ mind-erasers till you turned into a dream
Some might say I missed it, but I didn’t
‘Cause I was livin’
Man that was livin’
Now that was livin’
Song ends to enthusiastic applause. LIGHTS DOWN, SPOT on Jared. Band and Audience motionless.
Jared continues to play guitar throughout, slowly.
JARED (cont)
Sometimes all you’ve got are the memories
Sometimes reminiscin’ is a blast
SPOT on ANGEL, standing at a table among the Audience. Her and Jared’s eyes are locked.
JARED (cont)
Sometimes there’s that moment that changed everything
Angel holds her glance a moment longer, then exits out of SPOT.
JARED(cont)
Questions that you wished you’d never asked
(spoken)
Hey! What’s your name?
Jared steps off-stage, starts strumming intro to HER SIDE, HIS SIDE
As SPOT follows him through Audience in the same direction as Angel, his guitar neck bumps a few of the Audience – “OWs” and “Sorrys.”
JARED (cont)
(intro spoken)
This is the story of a relationship as looked at from two different perspectives:
Her side…
SPOT back on Angel, now standing at the bar, her pocketbook, keys, and a beer in front of her. She smiles and takes a shot.
JARED (cont)
And his side. I’ll be playin’ His Side
But let’s start with Her Side…
LIGHTS RISE slowly.
ANGEL
We both were searchin’ for someone new
LIGHTS FULL UP, Lights up on Band as they kick in.
ANGEL (cont)
Someone to count on, and lean on too
And we were somehow drawn together
And my heart sang, and it was beautiful
The BARTENDER, busy behind the bar, pauses.
BARTENDER
(spoken)
And this is his side…
Jared nods a quick “Thank you,” takes a shot, then another.
JARED AND BAND
We met in a bar, man I was loaded
Jared picks up Angel’s keys.
JARED AND BAND (cont)
And she had a car
Sets down keys, picks up and opens pocketbook.
JARED AND BAND (cont)
And a major credit card
JARED (cont)
And then she said…
ANGEL
I swear it was an epiphany of sorts, and fireworks really went off
And Romeo and Juliet were un-romantic sorts compared to us
Jared looks expectantly at Bartender, Bartender sighs and stops what she’s doing again.
BARTENDER
And then he said…
JARED AND BAND
We met in a bar, man I was loaded
I bought her a beer, she bought me a hundred
DANCING during LEAD BREAK
ANGEL
Well, loneliness is desperate, and desperation messes with your mind
JARED
And the path of least resistance’ll lead ya to the least every time
BARTENDER
They met in a bar
JARED AND BAND AND ANGEL
The dice were loaded
JARED AND ANGEL
‘Cause drunken hearts
JARED AND BAND AND ANGEL
Don’t know what they’re doin’
JARED (cont)
We met in a bar
Strums closing chords of song. Hands guitar to Bartender.
ANGEL
(spoken)
My name’s Angel, by the way.
JARED
Angel…that’s freakin’ perfect
ANGEL
(spoken)
Perfect?
JARED
I’m guessin’ it’s meant to be ironic?
ANGEL
‘Cause I like drinkin’ and smokin’ and lovin’ all night too?
JARED
Good God in Heaven, I think you’ll do
ANGEL
I’ve got both your CDs, will ya sign ‘em?
She hands him two CDs and a Sharpie. He opens the first CD, signs it.
JARED
I’ll sign anything that you want me too
He signs the second.
ANGEL
I love your music and your style, but what really makes me smile
Is your first tattoo
A COUPLE which has just approached the bar overhear.
JARED
(smile and nods)
My first tattoo
MAN
(spoken)
His first tattoo?
WOMAN
(spoken)
His first tattoo?
BARTENDER
(spoken)
His first tattoo?
Angel smiles and nods.
ANGEL
(spoken)
It’s on his Facebook page.
Jared smiles, removes his flannel shirt, pulls up his left sleeve. Tattooed on his arm is MY FIRST TATTOO. In fancy lettering like that. The Man leans in, then looks up, smiling.
MAN
(spoken)
It says “My First Tattoo.”
Bartender leans in to see.
BARTENDER
(spoken)
In fancy letterin’ like that.
WOMAN
Oh that’s priceless.
Onstage, Band starts back up.
JARED
My first tattoo
BAND
His first tattoo
BARTENDER
In fancy letterin’ like that
JARED
My first tattoo
BAND
His first tattoo
JARED
It’s a weird one
ANGEL
I’ve got one too
BAND
She’s got one too
Man and Woman look at each other, puzzled.
MAN AND WOMAN
She’s got one too?
BARTENDER
(spoken)
Imagine that.
ANGEL
I’ve got one too
BAND
She’s got one too
Drum roll, all eyes on Angel.
MAN AND WOMAN
She’s got one too
She opens her shirt, revealing her low-cut bra and a tattoo – it’s the same tattoo as Jared’s.
ANGEL (cont)
But it’s a titty-tat
BAND
She’s got a titty-tat
Man leans in, looking.
MAN
(spoken)
It says “My First Tattoo” too!
BARTENDER
(spoken)
In fancy letterin’ like that!
WOMAN
That’s priceless!
JARED
Well she’s easy on the eyes, and she just showed me her breasts
BAND
She’s got a titty-tat, she’s got a titty-tat
ANGEL
Maybe later on I’ll show you the rest
BAND
Not just her titty-tat, she’s got a titty-tat
JARED
(to Crowd)
Well loneliness is desperate
And desperation messes with your mind
He looks at Angel, staring back.
BAND
She’s got a titty-tat
ANGEL
You know you can’t resist it
ANGEL AND JARED
Fate finds its own place and time
Slumped at the bar, a DRUNK raises his head.
DRUNK
(a la Sylvester the Cat)
I tink I taw a titty-tat
BAND
She’s got a titty-tat, she’s gotta titty-tat…
SONG ENDS – cold.
Stage lights down. Band starts tearing down.
Jared steps forward from bar, addressing Crowd.
JARED
Sometimes all you’ve got are the memories
He looks at Angel.
JARED (cont)
I know things now I wish I’d known then
He crosses to stage, starts wrapping cords.
ANGEL
When you’re ready to go, I’m here waiting you know
Jared finishes wrapping a cord. He looks around the stage.
TYPING rises.
JARED
(spoken)
God-DAMMIT!
All eyes on Jared.
JARED (cont)
I can’t believe I fuckin’ lost my fuckin’ capo again!
LIGHTS DOWN
Below you'll find Act 1, Scenes 1 - 3, in their entirety, with writer/composer Ty Hager um...warbling?...um...croaking?...um...providing an example of the melodies and song structures? Yeah, we'll go with that. He's singing all the parts, too.
SCENE 1
Here's the AUDIO
And here's the SCRIPT:
LIGHTS UP on JARED – he’s a grizzled graying hippy-type dude, dressed in a white suit and black dress shoes, sitting on a stage bare except for the chair, a small table with a laptop, and a guitar on a stand. He types as he sings, looking at the computer screen, the typing amplified, then fading and melding into the music.
JARED
Some folks believe that when you die, you go to Heaven
Some folks think it’s better up there
Some folks’ll say that when you’re dead, you’re dead and
There’s just no gettin’ past the fact you ain’t goin’ nowhere
I don’t believe no belief beats another
I don’t think thinkin’ ‘bout it’s gonna pay
I had my life, and if I had my ‘druthers
There’d be something more than nothing on its way
‘Cause nothin’ makes a really long day…
He stops typing, rises, straps on the guitar and starts playing.
HOW THE STORY ENDS
JARED (cont)
Well I don’t care ‘bout nothin’ minus nothin’
And the old Grim Reaper’s quite the special friend
The GRIM REAPER slowly walks across REAR STAGE, stops, stands quietly.
JARED (cont)
And if I may be bold, if the story be told
I just don’t wanna know how the story ends
Charlie Brown’s gonna kick the football
Broken hearts are maybe gonna mend
But deep down in your soul, where the light ain’t gonna go
You don’t really wanna know how the story ends
Don’t really wanna know how the story ends
It’s gonna end
Well we kinda got the Cliff notes, but without the when or how
We kinda try to redefine just what the law will allow
We kinda got a show to do, before we take a bow
The curtain’s gonna drop but it ain’t droppin’ now
I don’t really wanna know how the story ends
He takes off the guitar, puts it back on the stand.
You don’t really wanna know how the story ends
He sits in the chair and resumes typing.
We just don’t wanna know how the story ends
We don’t wanna know how the story ends
Let’s just pretend…
The typing sound rises as the music fades.
LIGHTS DOWN
SCENE 2
Here's the AUDIO
And the SCRIPT:
Scene 2
Typing sound fades as music rises.
LIGHTS UP on a living room, a recliner in front of a large-screen TV, a sofa beside the recliner, a coffee table strewn with magazines and an ashtray at the far end of the sofa, where sits ELENORE, knitting and smoking.
MACK enters, holding beer.
MACK
I like NASCAR
(pops top)
And beer
The only exercise I get is gettin’ it from here…
(crosses to sofa, limping)
To here.
(plops down on sofa)
I like NASCAR
(picks up remote)
Those guys are great
(turns up volume, sound of racing)
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go straight
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go straight
Sound of racing fades.
ELENORE
I like knitting, it helps relax my mind
I ain’t kidding
Sometimes it’s the only peace I find
Just a needle and some thread
And cigarettes and magazines
And I’ll be the happiest country girl you never see
MACK
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go straight
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go straight
I like NASCAR and beer
I kinda like to lose myself in anything that ain’t right here
Elenore’s cooks real good, but she ain’t no fun bein’ with
(motions to closed door STAGE RIGHT)
And our boy’s less like a boy
Than a little bitch
ELENORE
Shhh Mack! Willard’ll hear ya!
Both look at door.
MACK
I can’t believe he’s not shrieking at one of his stupid video games
ELENORE
But you bought him that computer ‘cause he was drivin’ you insane
MACK
I traded all that whinin’ for “BOOMS” and “KA-POWS”
BOTH
But he sure is quiet now
MACK
(back to race)
I like NASCAR, and NASCAR likes me
Go straight take a left take a left go straight
Take a left take a left go…I gotta pee
Mack rises and limps to bathroom. He stops at door and looks up, noticing the accompanying MUSIC. He sighs, shakes his head, enters bathroom, closes door.
SFX peeing with MUSIC.
MACK (from behind door)
Really?
MUSIC changes.
MACK (cont)
There ya go.
SFX peeing continues, wanes, stops. SFX flush. Mack exits bathroom, looks quizzically at Willard’s door. Limps over, puts his ear to door. Looks up, irritate at the MUSIC volume. MUSIC fades. SFX typing rises.
MACK (cont)
I know I’ve heard that sound before
Like squirrels in the attic
But that can’t be it
His eyes widen as it dawns on him.
MACK (cont)
Goddamn it Elenore!
I think Willard’s in there goddamn typing!
ELENORE
(stands, shocked)
Shut the front door! That’s not like him at all!
MACK
I said Goddamn it Elenore!
I think our boy’s in there goddamn typing!
ELENORE
I know, I heard you, I said that’s not like him at all
She lays down her knitting and crosses to Mack.
BOTH
Not like him at all…
They listen as TYPING rises, melding into intro of:
THAT GIZMO
MACK
Well we ain’t real educated, ain’t had too many chances
ELENORE
Our fam’ly tree ain’t exactly overrun with branches
MACK
It was one thing when that gizmo was more like a toy
MUSIC fades, SFX typing rises.
BOTH
I just don’t know what’s got into our little boy
ELENORE
Maybe he’s just playin’, pretending that he’s writing
MACK
I hear what you’re saying, that has to be it
ELENORE
He’s sure doing it quickly, no way he could have learned
Mack looks at the TV, frowns.
MACK
Dammit, I just missed the part where the guy crashed and burned
ELENORE
There’s got to be an explanation
BOTH
Let’s bring this mystery to an end
Mack flings open door, LIGHTS UP on WILLARD, sitting in his bed, typing rapidly on a laptop, eyes straight ahead, trance-like.
MACK
(spoken)
Fuck a bird!
ELENORE
(spoken)
Shut the front door!
Willard blinks, notices his parents, slams the laptop shut, annoyed.
WILLARD
I can’t believe I fucking lost my fucking capo again!
MACK
(spoken)
What the fuck’s a capo?
LIGHTS DOWN
SCENE 3
Here's the AUDIO
And the SCRIPT:
Scene 3
LIGHTS RISE slightly on a darkened bar, a shadowy audience and band completely still.
SPOT on Jared, STAGE LEFT, still wearing white suit. He crosses to a coat/hat rack standing by the bar, from which hangs a worn flannel shirt and old hat.
SFX TYPING resumes in BG, barely audible.
JARED
Sometimes all you’ve got are the memories
Sometimes the future’s in the past
He removes his jacket, revealing a crude t-shirt. Hangs the jacket on the rack, removes the flannel shirt and puts it on.
JARED (cont)
Sometimes lookin’ back’s the only way to see
He crosses to a chair, beneath which lie a worn pair of sneakers. He sits, removes his dress shoes.
JARED (cont)
Questions that were better left unasked
He stands and removes his slacks, revealing torn jeans beneath. Tosses his slacks in the direction of the rack. He sits and slips on sneakers. Stands. SPOT follows as he begins walking toward stage.
JARED (cont)
Come with me to a time, things were dandy and fine
And every sin we sinned was forgiven
Man those were the days, just relaxin’ in the rays
He his guitar from the stand, puts it on.
JARED (cont)
Lookin’ back, it sure seemed like Heaven
LIGHTS RISE FULL, revealing AUDIENCE and BAND. A banner reading JARED WHALEY & THE COWTIPPERS hangs behind the stage.
JARED (cont)
Now that was livin’
Audience applauds, thrilled.
JARED AND BAND
Now that was livin’
Sowin’ wild seeds with an imaginary need
Now that was livin’
Now that was livin’
Playin’ with matches just ‘cause you liked the heat
Now that was livin’
Now that was livin’
Walkin’ on a razor just ‘cause you liked to bleed
Drinkin’ mind-erasers till you turned into a dream
Some might say I missed it, but I didn’t
‘Cause I was livin’
Man that was livin’
Now that was livin’
Song ends to enthusiastic applause. LIGHTS DOWN, SPOT on Jared. Band and Audience motionless.
Jared continues to play guitar throughout, slowly.
JARED (cont)
Sometimes all you’ve got are the memories
Sometimes reminiscin’ is a blast
SPOT on ANGEL, standing at a table among the Audience. Her and Jared’s eyes are locked.
JARED (cont)
Sometimes there’s that moment that changed everything
Angel holds her glance a moment longer, then exits out of SPOT.
JARED(cont)
Questions that you wished you’d never asked
(spoken)
Hey! What’s your name?
Jared steps off-stage, starts strumming intro to HER SIDE, HIS SIDE
As SPOT follows him through Audience in the same direction as Angel, his guitar neck bumps a few of the Audience – “OWs” and “Sorrys.”
JARED (cont)
(intro spoken)
This is the story of a relationship as looked at from two different perspectives:
Her side…
SPOT back on Angel, now standing at the bar, her pocketbook, keys, and a beer in front of her. She smiles and takes a shot.
JARED (cont)
And his side. I’ll be playin’ His Side
But let’s start with Her Side…
LIGHTS RISE slowly.
ANGEL
We both were searchin’ for someone new
LIGHTS FULL UP, Lights up on Band as they kick in.
ANGEL (cont)
Someone to count on, and lean on too
And we were somehow drawn together
And my heart sang, and it was beautiful
The BARTENDER, busy behind the bar, pauses.
BARTENDER
(spoken)
And this is his side…
Jared nods a quick “Thank you,” takes a shot, then another.
JARED AND BAND
We met in a bar, man I was loaded
Jared picks up Angel’s keys.
JARED AND BAND (cont)
And she had a car
Sets down keys, picks up and opens pocketbook.
JARED AND BAND (cont)
And a major credit card
JARED (cont)
And then she said…
ANGEL
I swear it was an epiphany of sorts, and fireworks really went off
And Romeo and Juliet were un-romantic sorts compared to us
Jared looks expectantly at Bartender, Bartender sighs and stops what she’s doing again.
BARTENDER
And then he said…
JARED AND BAND
We met in a bar, man I was loaded
I bought her a beer, she bought me a hundred
DANCING during LEAD BREAK
ANGEL
Well, loneliness is desperate, and desperation messes with your mind
JARED
And the path of least resistance’ll lead ya to the least every time
BARTENDER
They met in a bar
JARED AND BAND AND ANGEL
The dice were loaded
JARED AND ANGEL
‘Cause drunken hearts
JARED AND BAND AND ANGEL
Don’t know what they’re doin’
JARED (cont)
We met in a bar
Strums closing chords of song. Hands guitar to Bartender.
ANGEL
(spoken)
My name’s Angel, by the way.
JARED
Angel…that’s freakin’ perfect
ANGEL
(spoken)
Perfect?
JARED
I’m guessin’ it’s meant to be ironic?
ANGEL
‘Cause I like drinkin’ and smokin’ and lovin’ all night too?
JARED
Good God in Heaven, I think you’ll do
ANGEL
I’ve got both your CDs, will ya sign ‘em?
She hands him two CDs and a Sharpie. He opens the first CD, signs it.
JARED
I’ll sign anything that you want me too
He signs the second.
ANGEL
I love your music and your style, but what really makes me smile
Is your first tattoo
A COUPLE which has just approached the bar overhear.
JARED
(smile and nods)
My first tattoo
MAN
(spoken)
His first tattoo?
WOMAN
(spoken)
His first tattoo?
BARTENDER
(spoken)
His first tattoo?
Angel smiles and nods.
ANGEL
(spoken)
It’s on his Facebook page.
Jared smiles, removes his flannel shirt, pulls up his left sleeve. Tattooed on his arm is MY FIRST TATTOO. In fancy lettering like that. The Man leans in, then looks up, smiling.
MAN
(spoken)
It says “My First Tattoo.”
Bartender leans in to see.
BARTENDER
(spoken)
In fancy letterin’ like that.
WOMAN
Oh that’s priceless.
Onstage, Band starts back up.
JARED
My first tattoo
BAND
His first tattoo
BARTENDER
In fancy letterin’ like that
JARED
My first tattoo
BAND
His first tattoo
JARED
It’s a weird one
ANGEL
I’ve got one too
BAND
She’s got one too
Man and Woman look at each other, puzzled.
MAN AND WOMAN
She’s got one too?
BARTENDER
(spoken)
Imagine that.
ANGEL
I’ve got one too
BAND
She’s got one too
Drum roll, all eyes on Angel.
MAN AND WOMAN
She’s got one too
She opens her shirt, revealing her low-cut bra and a tattoo – it’s the same tattoo as Jared’s.
ANGEL (cont)
But it’s a titty-tat
BAND
She’s got a titty-tat
Man leans in, looking.
MAN
(spoken)
It says “My First Tattoo” too!
BARTENDER
(spoken)
In fancy letterin’ like that!
WOMAN
That’s priceless!
JARED
Well she’s easy on the eyes, and she just showed me her breasts
BAND
She’s got a titty-tat, she’s got a titty-tat
ANGEL
Maybe later on I’ll show you the rest
BAND
Not just her titty-tat, she’s got a titty-tat
JARED
(to Crowd)
Well loneliness is desperate
And desperation messes with your mind
He looks at Angel, staring back.
BAND
She’s got a titty-tat
ANGEL
You know you can’t resist it
ANGEL AND JARED
Fate finds its own place and time
Slumped at the bar, a DRUNK raises his head.
DRUNK
(a la Sylvester the Cat)
I tink I taw a titty-tat
BAND
She’s got a titty-tat, she’s gotta titty-tat…
SONG ENDS – cold.
Stage lights down. Band starts tearing down.
Jared steps forward from bar, addressing Crowd.
JARED
Sometimes all you’ve got are the memories
He looks at Angel.
JARED (cont)
I know things now I wish I’d known then
He crosses to stage, starts wrapping cords.
ANGEL
When you’re ready to go, I’m here waiting you know
Jared finishes wrapping a cord. He looks around the stage.
TYPING rises.
JARED
(spoken)
God-DAMMIT!
All eyes on Jared.
JARED (cont)
I can’t believe I fuckin’ lost my fuckin’ capo again!
LIGHTS DOWN